Feet, Beauty, Transition, Gravity

Walking new paths.

I can’t look forward, 

The future has too much unknown.

How will my children survive?

Let alone thrive!

I can’t look back,

Grief

Guilt

It’s all encompassing.

What did I do wrong?

What could I have done differently?

To the left is one smiling family

The right right is a woman;

Using her voice

Leaving a lasting impact

At my feet. 

It is the only place

I    Can    Look.

I opened my  journal to attempt to write, 

and flipped open to these words I had written a few months ago.

A few months ago, when the world felt like it was closing in, and I felt like all I could do was stare at my feet. 

It felt like a set back. It felt diminishing, shameful, I did not possess what it took to look up. 

To be visible.

To be seen. 

It’s fascinating sitting with words of Tryphena past and the emotions of Tryphena present. 

In some ways not a lot has changed and in other ways everything has changed. 

Our little neurodivergent family made the decision a month ago to move learning out of the school building. 

It’s been a new season. A season of transition. And let's be honest, even a good transition is a hard transition. 

It’s been carving out new paths, while also walking well worn trails with new insight. Unlearning and relearning. 

Decolonizing ideals of worth and value. 

Decolonizing values of what education needs to look like. 

Decolonizing the idea that there is one right way of doing something.

What are expectations and demands we’ve taken on, that are results of systems and structures that we never needed to adhere to that we have taken on?

As I was re reading my words this morning I was reminded of the scripture “Beautiful are the feet of those who bring the good news” . I was reminded of Jesus who flipped the table on systems and structures of oppression and capitalism. 

I was reminded of Jesus who spoke out against Legion. 

Against Empire. 

Against systemic oppression. 

Against Power and Control.

Anyways, all this to say, as I sat with all this today. I was reminded that in my little home, in my space, that is what we are practicing. Decolonizing Unlearning. New Learning, 

And sure, sometimes it means I stare at my feet more so that I’m not constantly comparing my life to those around me. But today when I look at my feet, I see beauty. 

Beauty of good news. Beauty of life, love and the kingdom of heaven being here now. 

Beauty of a child throwing a remote control car off my deck. 

Yes, Gravity, it still works.